Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
