He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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