Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
