shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
