you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
