I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?