my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.