Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim