lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?