1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again