Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Randomize
