just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
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He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
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The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..