He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
