someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
