I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
