saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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