It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
