We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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