yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
