I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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