If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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