no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
