Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
