life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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