you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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