Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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