were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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