Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
