I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
