I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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