I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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