Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
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She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
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I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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