Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
