Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Randomize
