dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
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