it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
