Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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