bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I think i peed on brittanys purse
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
