drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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