is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
