I don't think brook has ever known best
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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