john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
