so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
