i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
