i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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