Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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