Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
