thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
