hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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