Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You need a sexual gate keeper
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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