Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
