Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
