your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
