I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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