u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize