Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
