Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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