Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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