i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
