thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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