apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
it's like heaven, but drunker
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
