I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
