if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
