Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
