I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
MIDGETS
????
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
