tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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