Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
