you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I could fuck to npr.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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