I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
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