honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
