i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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