I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
