So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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