So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
