tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
