remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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