i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
