The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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