I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
