I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
