on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Randomize
